And now it’s election time again!

You may know by now that I have been nominated as the Scottish Liberal Democrats’ candidate for Govan (Electoral Ward 5) on Glasgow City Council. So, I have between now and 3rd May to impress everyone and show why I deserve a high preference on the ballot paper.

I will be posting more in due course. In the meantime, here are are few reasons to vote for me:

1. I am local. Despite the accent, I have lived in Ibrox for the last 8 years. That doesn’t mean I know everything about everywhere, but it does mean that I’m here, on the ground, now. What happens round the corner or up the road affects me. I can go for a walk and see it. And I can do my best to make things better.
2. I’m a Liberal Democrat. This means I am not part of a cosy political establishment. But I am part of a party of individuals who can work together, cooperating with people from all political parties and none in order to achieve real positive change. I will never be told what to think but I will always be ready to listen – and I don’t think that compromise is a dirty word if the end result is better than what it would have been otherwise. You can read about our plans for changing Glasgow City Council here.
3. I’m me. This means, essentially, that I have a lot of unique skills, experience and enthusiasm that I can bring to the job of being a local councillor. If elected, I would be able to put both my time and my creativity into helping my neighbourhood fulfil its potential as part of a better-run Glasgow.

Date : Saturday 16th April 2011
Time: 7.30pm
Venue: 19 Southwood Drive, King’s Park, Glasgow, G44 5SH

Buffet will be provided but bring your own bottle.
Vegetarian food is provided.

£10 entry fee (£5 for students) – pay on the night

Please come along and support your candidates and your party.
You will enjoy yourself.

Please RSVP
Isabel Nelson
Secretary, Glasgow South
isabelnel@aim.com or 0141 883 6830

While some people look down on politicians as a species, most will accept that it is not a 9-5 job. For the dedicated candidate, it can be round-the-clock – all unpaid.

I wish the remaining list candidates well, as I do the whole of the Scottish Liberal Democrat team, while I concentrate on getting the money in – both for me (those interested can hire my comedy/poetry/ventriloquism services at www.chrisyoung.biz) and fundraising for the campaigning effort (watch this space).

To a vegetarian haggis

Fair fa’ your… dishonest, sonsie face,
Great maverick o’ the puddin race!
For veggie folk, ye tak the place
O’ honest meat.
Some think ye truly a disgrace
Nae fit tae eat.

But ithers cannae face yon haggis
That made wi’ fresh sheep’s stomach bag is,
Where hairt and lung and liver clag is,
Mixed up wi’ oats.
For squeamish folk, for them, the snag is
No Rabbie’s quotes.

I dinnae mean tae fash nor clype,
But some folk cannae stomach tripe
And kidney could nae pass their pipe
For fear they choke.
An’ inside pairts o’ every type
Would make them boke.

Frae John O’ Groats tae Howe O’ Fife
Sic sentiment is awfu’ rife
But then they gang an’ tak a knife
Tae sirloin steak.
They dinnae think that flesh had life –
For ony sake.

The animal that’s killed for meat
Has died for us – and gay few greet.
We owe the beast at least tae eat
And no tae waste.
The choice we have tae eat or bleat
Is no just taste.

Hypocrisy puts me on edge.
The squeamish folk, they a’ should pledge
Tae eat from henceforth none but veg
(An’, maybe, eggs and milk).
Frae shrink-wrapped plastic, let them dredge
Your ersatz ilk.

O ye wha untold beasties save,
For whom no sheep its stomach gave
Nor cattle came hame to their grave,
Lang may ye reek.
Or bailt in pot or microwaved,
It’s ye I seek.

O meat-free bairn o’ John MacSween,
Nae life ye tak, nae liver seen,
Nor kidney but the kidney bean
That gies ye hairt.
An’ nuts an’ lentils (red or green),
A’ play their pairt.

Wi’ mushroom, carrot, onion, neep,
Your savour is baith sweet and deep.
It’s sad ye dinnae taste like sheep,
But that is fine.
When frozen, weel for months you’ll keep.
(I bulk-buy mine.)

O sleekit puddin, sonsie-faced,
Though some may think a haggis based
On vegetables, the meat replaced,
Should be unlawful,
I bid the world to tak a taste –
It is nae offal.

© Chris Young

The good news is that I will be candidate again, this time on the regional list for Glasgow – but not particularly high up. I assure my fellow candidates that, although I have seen Kind Hearts and Coronets, I am perfectly safe to be around.

By now, almost everybody should have received at least one leaflet from me. As part of the democratic process, candidates are encouraged to use the Royal Mail to distribute one leaflet to each elector or household, in addition to doorstep campaigning. If you have not received my distributed leaflet (often known as an “election address”), please rest assured that this is neither a personal slight nor systemic neglect. Rather, it would appear to be some technical problem which I am working to identify (but which at this stage there is probably no time to rectify).

So, if you haven’t had a chance to read my print-based sales pitch, please do accept my apologies and take this opportunity to read it online (larger file size available from Flickr). And please do send me an email with your address, or postcode, so I can track down where the problems have been and what they might be.

But the truth is that we are all politicians. That’s what it is to be human: to a greater or lesser extent, we all involve ourselves with what goes on around us. At some point, we’ve all thought: “I could do a better job than that”. Well, I know that’s what motivated me to get involved in politics back in the dark days of 1992.

Becoming an MP, however, can be a different thing. Under the current electoral system, if you’re a Labour or Conservative politician, you can find yourself a (relatively) “safe seat”, provided you say the right things to the right people. It’s easy to become, or simply to remain, out of touch – and effectively untouchable.

I think I can safely say that most Liberal Democrats start life as human beings, human beings who go on to develop a wide range of skills and experiences. What we have in common is the determination to change things so they work better and make life fairer. And when we’re on the doorstep, in the cold and damp, smiling through the rain, don’t doubt that we take what we do seriously. If we happen to crack the odd joke in between policy discussions, it might just be a reminder that somewhere, hiding beneath the politician, there is a human being.